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What is Co-Dependence?

1. I feel good about who I am because others like me or approve of what I do.
2. When another person is struggling, I become upset and focus most of my attention on solving your problems, or relieving your pain.
3. I focus on pleasing others.
4. I focus on protecting others.
5. I focus on manipulating others to do it my way.
6. My self esteem increases when I solve others' problems.
7. I set aside my own interests and spend my time sharing others' interests instead.
8. I live my life the way others want me to live, without regard to how I feel or what my needs are.
9. I'm not aware of how I feel. but am only aware of how others feel.
10. The dreams I have for the future are linked to others.
11. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in a relationship.
12. My fear of anger or rejection determines what I say or do.
13. I put my values aside in order to connect with others.
14. I value others opinions and way of doing things more than mine.

Symptoms of Co-Dependency

1. Difficulty identifying and expressing feelings.
2. Difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships.
3. Low self esteem.
4. Profound sense of shame, anxiety and guilt.
5. Constant need for approval.
6. Perfectionism
7. Compulsive need to rescue, caretake, and control
8. Feeling overly responsible for the action of others.
9. Lack of confidence in making decisions
10. Addicted to excitement
11. Fear of anger or criticism

What Does Co-Dependency Result In?

1. Inability to know what normal behavior is. 
2. Difficulty in following a project through.
3. Difficulty knowing how to have fun.
4. Judging self and low self esteem.
5. Difficulty in developing and sustaining meaningful relationships
6. Over-reacting to change.
7. Constantly seeking approval
8. Feeling different
9. Confusion
10. Feeling of inadequacy

If several of the above statements describe how you are feeling, you may be suffering from co-dependency. Two excellent books that can help you are: